Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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