Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I party with great urgency now.
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