Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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