I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
