I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
