Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
