i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
