We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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