I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
