I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
