put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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