after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
