if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
