Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
