Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
