Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
