I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
