I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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