Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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