I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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