im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
