My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
