shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
