I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
