I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
