Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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