no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
