you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
