So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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