Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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