dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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