Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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