The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
