My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
