they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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