So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
