Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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