the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
