she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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