we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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