Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
