so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
