Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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