I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
