i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
