Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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