Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
