Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
