Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
