I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
