im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
