Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
