just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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