you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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